In this journal we hope to keep you updated on the details of what is happening in our home, and especially with the adoption.

1-21-06--WE SHOULD BE IN CHINA!!
Yes, we should, but we are not, so we continue to wait.  We did get good news this week, or better than no news, which has been the story for the last 7 months.  We found out that our paperwork moved from the review room, to the matching room!  YEAH!  So we know that they did not question our paperwork, and that we are headed in the right direction.  how long in the matching room?  We do not know.  Mark says he is holding out for a March referral.  I have been saying May, which is just so crazy.  I look back at my previous post's and had no doubt we would be in China by now.  But I know you are sick of hearing that monthly update so on to happy things!  We had a great Christmas and fun New Years party.  Check out the blog for pictures of the Chocolate Fountain!  Sawyer had his tonsils out the first week of January so that was not fun.  We are finally recovering from that.  Not a fun week for sure.  Makenna has moved up in gymnastics which is exciting for her.  And Malaine is STILL not potty trained.  Isn't that exciting for us?  Our goal is before china and at the rate we are going, that might not be a problem.  Hope everyone is doing well! 

12-20-05-- 6 months down, how many to go?
Wow!  It has offically been 6 months since we turned in our paperwork to China.  Actually 7 months since turning it in, 6 months since they accepted it.  We thought we would have our referral by now.  I really believed all along that we would be showing off a picture of our new daughter for Christmas. I am reminded of this verse, day after day... Proverbs 19:21  Many are the plans in a mans's heart, But the LORDS purpose will prevail. 
I am trying to hold on to that, but it is HARD! We are missing our daughters first Christmas,among the millions of other firsts we miss.  Some days i really just want to act like my children do when they don't get their way, you know the stomp your foot, cry and shake your fist at someone type of day?  Sigh..I have started a blog, so look for daily , or maybe weekly ramblings on that.  it is easier for me to post on that, and I can figure out how to place pictures there.  The address is on the homepage here, but i will post it here in the journal also.. www.herewegrowagain.blogspot.com

We pray that each of you has a Very Merry Christmas.  May you find the true reason for the season and celebrate our saviours birth.

10-21-05--Judgement House & other things...
Another month down, how many more to go? No word, no guess, we really have no idea when it will be. 

we have started Judgment House at our church this week.  I am "in charge" of Heaven! Cool job isn't it?  The best part of it? My family of 5 can eat at the church every night for only $4.00.  That makes my budget minded husband so happy!  And i don't have to cook so i am happy!  Besides that, we love to be involved in JH.  If you have no idea what JH is and want to know more, e-mail me and i will fill you in.  If you live near here, please try to come through it.  It can change your life. 

I am just holding my breath till the end of October, we are busy here!  After that, it gets a little slower. I think!  Our 2 girls have October birthdays so we have had lots of parties going on.  And yes, Malaine STILL has her mer mer.  She loves Sage, but sending her the mer mer did not really go over well.  Maybe Santa should take the mer mer?  Everyone says starting cutting the nipple off.  But then it looks funny for the baby book and i like to save them!  The one she loves was the same one Makenna loved and i love that! 

My next project around here is pictures.  I have been really terrible at getting them organized so that is my goal before Sage.  Is it humanly possible to organize 12 years of photos in a few months?  I am not planning to scrapbook all of them, tho eventually i think i will get around to that.  Maybe in the nursing home?  but i want to be able to find pictures of certain ages when i need them.  And i REALLY do want to make a life book for Sage.  So any volunteers on helping me go through pictures! :)

9-20-05-- Happy Anniversary of LID!
Today marks our 3 month wait since our Log in Date.  3 months?  Oh i feel it has been forever!  Some days time just crawls by. This has been one of those weeks when the baby has been on my heart so much.  Is it because something is happening w/ her in China?  People say, oh but you are this much closer, you will probably see her picture in just a few more months.  and that is true. HOWEVER!! My baby is there, and I am here.  And I know w/ out a doubt she is there and I am not the one holding her.  That is just not natural!  Thankfully I have a Loving Heavenly Father who understands my impatience and is loves me anyways.  And most important, I realize he is holding that baby for me.  Wow, as i am typing i just looked over and saw a ladybug crawling up my window!  I am marking down this date, maybe something is happening in China.  For all we know, our baby could be going into the orphanage now!  Lately i have been back to feeling very strongly that we are having a girl.  I don't know what it is, but that is what my heart is telling me.  Of coure the statistics are high in that favor, but i was kind of wondering for awhile. 
Since my last update, we have been on the go as usual.  Anyone want to vote on if 4 kids will change our travel habits?? Probably not, though we are really insane!  We went for a week up to St Paul.  We had a great time at Mall of America!  It was a nice ending to summer vacation.  We had never been and I just love the mall.  We spent a ton of time there, and i really never did get to do much shopping.
Last weekend i attended a Beth Moore conference in Kansas City.  She is so amazing, and if you ever get a chance to hear her, GO! I went w/ my cousin and friend and we were able to meet up w/ my new friend i met through my adoption yahoo group, and who should be in my China travel group. It was a great girls weekend.  My last for quite some time I am sure.
Makenna is full swing in 2nd grade.  It is so hard to get used to saying that.  Sounds so old to me.  She is in gymnastics every week and loves it so much more than she did dance. I think we are going to put Malaine in next semester. 
Sawyer is a busy boy!  He is going to pre-school Monday, Wednesday and Friday and loving it.  He gets karate, soccer and Tumbling during his class so it is the perfect boy school.  He is also in speech class 2 days a week so we are on the run w/ him.  Plus he is playing tball on saturdays.
We are thinking we should probably start potty training malaine sometime soon.  She is showing no interest but i want her to be done w/ diapers BEFORE china!  We keep telling her on her 3rd birthday, october 11th we are going to mail her "mer mer's" (pacifiers) to China for Sage.  We have let her be the baby for way longer than need be.  Pray for us as we try to help her "grow up" in these next few months! 
Well i better go.  It is my day to drive carpool around here.  The highlight of my week!

8-20-05-- Adoption, Travel and Life!
I have been told that maybe I was a little "over passionate" in my last entry.  So i have done some praying as to my thoughts on the subject.  And here is what I have been thinking.  I am blessed to be the mother of a son & 2 daughters at this point. I love having both, and I am thankful for that opportunity. So since I do have that blessing, it is not for ME to judge someone who might ONLY want a girl for their family.  Now, I still agree w/ all I said that I believe God knows what child we are meant to have.  One of the reasons we chose China is because we did not want to "Choose" our child, as you must do in some countries.  We wanted to leave that in God's hands.  So as I said, i am  not here to judge what other families do w/ the child they are matched w/.  That is between them and God and none of my business.  If I offended anyone, I apologize.  But  if I offended, probably better to NOT read my journal, I have a habit of that.  I know what i believe and I am not afraid to stand for that in any way!  So now we can move on from my ranting of last week.  I am over it myself.  I am much to concerned w/ the craziness of our house, to worry about all these people worrying about getting a baby boy! 

Mark and I were able to steal away for a few days to Branson this past week.  One last getaway!  We had a great time, eating, seeing shows, eating, seeing movies, eating and shopping!  He did not even complain once about the shopping!  Yeah for a new job, and especially no kids whining about shopping!

Mark did get a new job and starts this week.  He will be working for GE instead of Banking.  Big changes around here, as always! We are going to be adding an office to the basement so he can work from home part time.  He says he is not sure he can put up w/ us, I say, can we put up w/ him everyday! :) 

We are in panic mode trying to get some thigns done around here. You know, new house, neverending list of projects.  Mark is recovering my dining room chairs as we speak.  Leopard Print fabric, i could not believe he helped me pick that out!

Hope everyone is enjoying these last few lazy days of summer!

8-11-05--IS THIS A BABY OR PUPPIES We Are Talking About??
    Well I have been reading lots of others adoptions blogs lately, and I love how they give a subject title to their "thoughts".  So i am going to start adding in a title.  I am a little "passionate" this week about a certain subject.   there has been much debate from people(who are adopting), about what happens if you get a boy referral, when you did not ask for a boy, or to be bruatally honest, DONT WANT A BOY?? And I am trying to contain myself on this subject, but since this is my web journal, I can rant about whatever I want.  Now for me, maybe i can say this because, I do have 2 daughters, and I love having daughters.  So we of course are open to either a girl or a boy.  Some people, are not so open.  They might be going to china, so they can get a girl, and their chances of course are higher.  Some have even said they would turn down a referral if it came across as a boy.  I am pretty sure I about fell out of my chair when i read that one.  Someone said, if you request a girl and don't get it, you just say no.  If you requested an infant, and you don't get it, just tell them no.  WHAT?? Excuse me, I know there are 1.5 million orphans in China, but that one you referred to me, is just NOT what i had in mind.  Could you just put my name back into the hat, and draw again,  maybe next time I will get what I wanted.  Now obviously, people who feel this way, do not believe as Mark and I do, that God  chose your child. Not the Chinese Matching room, but God alone.  I know with out a doubt that God already knows who my baby is.  He knew long before we even knew we would adopt.  Just like the verse in Psalms 139, For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mothers womb, all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be....  I am just sad.  For people who have so little Faith in God and his miracles.  I just consider it such a privilage that God called us to be a small part of His plan of adoption.  I just have to wonder what does God think, if you consider turning down a baby?  Simply based on its gender?  I am just trying to pray for people, and for myself.  To try to be patient.  Mostly i am praying that people who think that way, would NOT get a boy referral.  How sad for that little guy to think he would just get pushed back into the pile because he can't wear bows in his hair!  Maybe some people just  are meant to have only boys or only girls?  So enough ranting... Maybe we are going to get a boy!  2 healthy baby boys were referred through our agency this past month.  I have a friend, who swears we are getting a boy.  Just because of the miracle it would be.  And that is the thing, to get a boy from China, really is a miracle.  There are so few who get to leave.  So we are now preparing ourselves for anything.  Trying to find an S boy name w/ not much success.  Kids still call her Baby Sage, I still think we are getting a girl, but it is not in MY hands for sure.  And you know, that is a great feeling.  Because if it was, I could not make it through this wait.  Our new favorite song, (ok Makenna and  I) Sawyer listens and says he does not get it.  Mark just nods his head... It is just want to be w/ you, by Chris Rice.  And of course it is written about waiting for the day to be w/ Christ, but it reminds me of our baby. "I just want to be w/ you, just want this waiting to be over, just want to be w/ you, to know that day is getting closer, every  minute takes an hour, every inch feels like a mile,  and i wont' have to imagine, i can finally see you smile".  I can only imagine that day. 
Well i am tired from my rant!  Hope everyone is doing well!  I am still waiting for quilt squares!
   

7-23-05--On Thursday, the 21st, I came home to an e-mail that we have an official LID. (log in date) of June 20, 2005.  This is the day the Chinese read our dossier, and put it into their pile.  So we passed!! They accepted us, and now we start counting!! The best part is we already have one month down.  Average right now is about 6 months.  So that would mean we might get a referral right around christmas.  Our prayer is that the Lord would perform miracles and that we might get it sooner than December.  We will travel 6-8 weeks after getting a referral.  It hit me thursday, this is so real now!  In less than 7 months i could be holding my baby!!  Friday night we celebrated w/ Chinese Food! Today was fun, we were able to go the Childrens Hope Reunion Picnic.  HOT does not even describe the weather.  But all i could think of all day is, next year we will be here w/ our baby!! WOW!  I was able to meet a family that is on my yahoo board, they have 2 little girls from china already, 2 older bio children, and are adopting a child on the special needs list, so they hope to get her in the fall.  It is such a small world we live in really. 
I have been thinking of how many people tell me, how lucky this baby is going to be and how great it is that we are doing this etc.. you know what? We are the lucky ones for sure.  Yes we are thankful that we are giving an orphan a home.  But in my eyes, she is not an orphan, but my daughter.  And she is already teaching me things, and she is not even here yet.  God is growing me in so many ways.  I am learning faith, patience, trust among a million other things.  I am the lucky one. 
Malaine is sleeping in her big girl bed tonight for the first time.  We decided we better start working on the transition, we need her crib!  It made me so sad to see her in it.  Mark said, get over it, you have another baby coming! :) But i do feel bad, she is growing up so fast.(ok she is almost 3, most kids are way out of cribs by now i know!) 
Now we will have no news to report till referall as far as hearing from China. We have a long list of things to do.

Hope everyone is doing well! 

7-16-05-- Well I am updating to update that there is NOTHING to update on our adoption!  We are STILL waiting on our LID.  Frusterated is the word that comes to mind at this point. I know the Lord is just trying to teach me, maybe trust, maybe faith, maybe... patience!! the good thing is, hopefully the date will be for back in early june which will mean over a month will be down of counting! It has been a hard couple weeks emotionally.  Just thinking of our baby, and wondering what she is going through.  I read on a site of a family that was in China getting their baby and they found marks on the baby's skin that indicated she had been "tied down".  Ever since then, I am heartbroken, thinking of what is going on w/ our baby.  I realize that this is where my trust and faith really have to come in.  I know God is holding our baby for us.  But, I still want to just jump on a plane and hold her myself!  Please, please pray for our baby along w/ us. 
We hope everyone is doing well!! Hope to write more soon! 

6-12-05-- Yesterday was our 11th wedding anniversary.  We celebrated w/ dinner at the Cheesecake factory and we saw Star Wars.  What a feeling knowing that next year we will have our baby by the time we celebrate our anniversary.  We may not be able to go out and celebrate though, I am not sure anyone will be willing to watch 4 kids for a full evening! 
Today in church our sermon was on going, when God says Go.  It made me think of our journey so far and where God is leading us.  And it made me think of our babies mother and father.  My thoughts are always of how hard it will be for my daughter to never know her birthmother, and for me to never be able to tell her Thank You.  I think of when someone gives me a gift that I love so much.  Granted, I am a TERRIBLE thank you note writer.(thanks to all those who understand that!) But I enjoy being able to show my gratitude to them.  In this situation, this woman is going to give me a gift.  She is completing my family and filling in the hole we all know is missing.  She is giving me a child, and I will never be able to thank her.  That is SO hard.  I want to let her know that "our" baby is going to be so loved by so many people forever.  So then of course my next thought is, well then we are just going to have to get all of China saved is all there is to it.  That way I will know that someday I will meet her, and I can show her my gratitude.  So anyone on board to get China saved?? Hmmm?? Ok , how about we pray.  My prayer is that by God's grace, my daughters birth mother would come to salvation and someday I will know her.  We will never know each other this side of Heaven, but maybe someday we will walk together w/ Jesus, and I can share what an amazing gift she gave me.

I now have 5 quilt squares!! Come on friends!  I found the cutest scrapbook today, the cover is a quilt!! I already have my 5 blessings in it.  I love reading the blessings.  It is so great to know that so many (ok 5 of you!!!) already love and pray for our baby along w/ us.  I do know that more than 5 of you are praying, but I do want those squares.  If I could ever get mark to help me(i am computer illiterate,) i would post some pages that some have sent so you could get an idea.  Just be creative.  Or look up on the internet 100 good wishes quilts, you can see samples. 

We are loving summer here for sure.  We have been so lazy.  Of course Sawyer is always up when the sun comes up, but the girls are like me, they like their sleep.  We keep telling Mark he needs to put a pool in the yard for us.  His answer?  You get a baby.  I would say that is better than a pool for sure!  Maybe next summer?  :)

We hope all is well.  Leave us a message on the board.  We were so excited to see people are visiting us here!  Have a great week.  Keep those prayers going for our LID to arrive. 

6-3-05 -- I decided to switch the order of the journal around just a little, so sorry if the below entries are out of order.  I figure it easiest to read the top entry first, so that is where i will update from now on...  We are officially done w/ the paperchase.  Our dossier left St Louis on Friday May 27th for China.  With in a month we should get that Log in date(lid) and that is when we can count down.  We are holding out hope to be traveling early in the new year, but Chinese New Year is the end of January, which may hold us up.  I realize it is all in God's timing, so I will try to be patient.  Not one of my strengths for sure.  I have been reading quite a few stories of families who did receive a boy.  so now i am combing the name books for boy names.  We still think we are getting a girl, but we did say we are open, so you just never know.  We will be thrilled either way.  
Sawyer did great at the Cardinal Game.  It was a little stressful , i was not allowed to go down through the stadium w/ him and that upset me.   But it all worked out and he was so cute out there.  You can check out the video on the homepage of him throwing out the pitch. 

4-24-05 --We are not sure what happened to our journal.  For some reason, we lost all previous entries.  Things have been kind of exciting this last couple weeks.  It is great to see things moving along.  On monday the 11th, our homestudy was complete and mailed off to INS.  This is who has to give us approval to bring our baby into the United States as a US Citizen.  So on the 11th we were told that we would be invited by the government to be fingerprinted and that it would take around 5 weeks.  So we were THRILLED when we received our invitation in 5 DAYS!! We had the fingerprinting done on Monday the 18th.(and it only took around 1/2 hour which seemed really fast. we expected to wait a long time.)  We give all Glory and praise to God for moving this along.  It is such a good feeling to just see Him confirm over and over to us, that this is His choice for us and that He is in control of this adoption.  So now we wait some more.  INS will make sure our fingerprints are approved, and they will read over our homestudy to approve that.(which has already been approved from our social worker) They will send us a form that we take with us to China.  Again, we are told this form can take up to 5 weeks.  So of course we are praying that we get it quicker.  Because once we have that form, it will only be a matter of weeks before our paperwork is off to China.  Then we really begin to wait.  I think i will feel better just knowing the paperwork is done.  We are still hoping to bring our baby home by the end of the year. 

Mark and my family threw me a 30th birthday bash this weekend.  I am finally offially old enough to adopt from China!  I guess at 30 you are mature??  Sure.  It is a good feeling to know that next year I will celebrate holding our new baby.  Mark gave me a certificate for a mothers ring, something i have wanted for a long time.  We talked to the jewelers and they will just add a stone for the baby once we find out her(his?) birthstone.  What will it be?  Mark guesses March, i guess April.  We are probably both wrong.  She could already be a few months old.