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Religion
that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look
after orphans and widows in their distress. James 1:27
Why adopt?
Adoption has been on my(shannon) heart for a long time. I
can remember as a little girl playing orphanage with my baby dolls and
barbies. I remember going on mission trips when I was
young, to an indian reservation and just wanting to take some of
those little children home with me to take care of them. When
Mark and I married we always said it was something we would consider
down the road. After Sawyer was born I began to do alot of
research on it. But then our surprise Malaine came along and life
was busy. During the last year my desire for another child began
to grow, I wanted to complete our family with a 4th baby. At
first I was not sure if I was ready to give up being pregnant.
Yet adoption was coming up in everything I did. I began to pray
that God would make it clear to me what I was supposed to do.
Finally on Christmas Eve, God told me, you are going to adopt a
baby. I remember it felt so clear and I felt such peace. I
just thought, Ok thanks God for the answer. Mark on the
other hand was still praying. Anyone who has met my husband
knows, he is a "thinker." It was alot about being worried of
raising 4 children, ($$!!) So we prayed. We prayed
and we talked and we cried and we prayed some more. Just when I
was thinking, Ok maybe I "misunderstood" You Lord. I know you
told me yes, but why aren't you giving him an answer, He did!
On February 4th, Mark said he had an early valentines for me. He
handed me a card with little baby booties and inside it read You
are now the mother of 4! He was with out a doubt very sure that
God had said yes. God answered him in an amazing way, and it was
exactly the way Mark needed to get his answer.( $$!!)
So back to WHY adopt? You have 3 healthy children, how can
you adopt? My answer is How can I NOT adopt? Somewhere in
the world is a baby that does not have a mommy. No one is holding
her when she is crying, no one is wiping away her tears. Well I
am a mommy and I love being a mommy. I can be her mommy! I
believe God wants us to adopt. In fact he commands it in the
bible. Yes we could birth another child.(everyone asks
that, no problems w/ that!) It is just simple for me. There
is a baby that needs us.
Why China?
Choosing a country for us was almost more difficult than choosing to
adopt. When we first started talking about adoption, we thought
we wanted a country where we could for sure get a boy. And we
thought maybe one that might "blend"into our family in the way they
looked. Not that we were worried about them looking different,
but I really feared how the child might feel. We have 3
kids that look exactly alike, would that bother them? So we
prayed. And the more we prayed the more we began to change our
views on so many things. We originally said a boy, so Sawyer
could have a brother. But was that our right to choose if we had
a boy? If i were pregnant I would not be able to
choose. So that became a non-issue. Then we thought
about if they looked different. But the more we prayed the more I
felt God saying, inside they will be the same. And this is MY
child and I will take care of that. So that became a
non-issue. My cousin was in the process of adopting from
China, so that was a big draw for us. Then we began reading
stories. The more we read, our hearts began to just break for
China's Children. We finally both agreed that God was
trying to tell us China all along, we just needed to listen.
There is an ancient Chinese Belief that I have taken to heart. It
says
"An invisible red thread connects those that are destined to
meet, regardless of time, place or circumstance. The thread may
stretch or tangle, but it will never break." It has been amazing
to me how quickly this thread is already pulling on my heart, and
realizing, God was really pulling on it all along.
What is the Story on China
Many of you might know alot about China already. I myself did not
know much except for the fact that they have great acrobats, it
is one of my favorite foods and I knew they had alot of babies
available. We are trying to educate ouselves as best as possible
so that we can appreciate where our child will come from and celebrate
her heritage with her. Here is what we are learning so
far.
Size
China is made up of 1.2 billion people, the largest population
in the world, one fifth of the total. Every year the country adds
another 12 million. However china has only 7% of the worlds
arable land and fresh water, 3% of the forests, and only 2% of the
oil. And although China's landmass is roughly the same size as
the United States, it has 4.5 times the population. In addition,
China's enormous population is unevenly distributed with 94% living in
the southeastern part of the country. (In the U.S. this
distribution would translate to nearly 1 billion people living east of
the Mississippi River).
What is the One Child Policy
In 1979, China implemented a "one child policy" in an effort to
control population growth. Under this program, a sophisticated
system rewarded those who observed the policy and penalized those who
did not. Couples with only one child were given a "one child
certificate" entitling them to such benefits as cash bonuses, longer
maternity leave, better childcare, and preferential housing
assignments. In return they were required to pledge they would
not have more children. The penalties for having more than
one child are severe if discovered and can consist of being fined a
years wages, the loss of their job, imprisonment and social
ostracism. Forced abortion and sterilization have been a common
practice to eliminate unwanted pregnancies or a baby girl.
Why so many Girls?
We have been told that 95% of babies adopted from China are
girls. So we are figuring we will be adding a 3rd daughter to our
family. Sawyer says he would like a brother, but we keep
reminding him he will be King of the house with 3 sisters. (ok
and we also bribed him by telling him his new baby sister would
probably come along w/ a few new video games and that did it for
him!) Why are there so many little girls? China is
primarly an agricultural country. These people work and they work
hard, for little pay. Therefore there is a need for men and
boys. Cultural practice also plays in on this. Sons stay
home and take care of aging parents and carry on the family name and
farm. As a chinese girl grows up and marries, she leaves to move
in with her husband and his family.
What do they do with their babies?
For most of China, it is illegal to give birth to a second
child. It is also illegal to abandon a child. I have
wondered if these mothers are hoping for 9 months that this will be a
boy, or that by some miracle the law will change and they will be able
to keep their child regardless. When the baby is born they are forced
to abandon their child anonymously. Birthmothers normally leave
their baby girls in a place they know she will be found and taken care
of, like a busy public market, or on the steps of the orphanage.
Sometimes maybe a note will be left with her birthdate. Most of
the time there is nothing of her past. She will be taken into the
orphanage, they will determine how old they think she might be and they
will name her.
Health of Children
From everything we have read, most of the chinese babies are
very healthy. Since most of the mothers live on rural farms, they
are not exposed to drugs and alcohol. Most of the children
are raised in an orphange although there are a small percent in foster
homes. We do expect that our baby might be developmentally behind
from lack of stimulation, but have no doubt that she will catch up
quickly once she is surrounded in love with one on one attention.
The Paperchase
They say it can take anywhere from 3-7 months or longer to
complete your paperwork, and get it all turned in to China. The
homestudy is the first major hurdle. We have to gather every
document you can think of, get physicals done, and have a social
worker come in to "investigate" us, our home, our background
etc... Once that is complete we will apply to the immigration
office to bring a foreign adopted child into the US which includes
fingerprinting. We also have some extra paperwork due to living
in Illinois for our homestudy. (also extra fingerprinting. We
still don't get this, do fingerprints change?) After we gather
all our documents, they must all be notarized, certified and
authenticated.(basically someone at the state capital must stamp each
piece of paper). THEN once this is all complete they will mail
all this paper (called our dossier) to china. (DTC) Once China
receives it, we will be given a log in date (LID) and from that date we
can begin counting down to our referral. We have lucked out and
are moving pretty fast on our paperwork due to the help of my cousin
who is already through this part of the process. She lets me know
what I need to do before I get the offical what to do! We hope to
have our DTC early summer.
Our Baby
We will not choose our child, but will be sent a referral about
5-7 months after all our paperwork is done. We have requested a
healthy infant under 12 months of age, being as young as
possible. She could be anywhere from 6 months of age to even a
little over 12 months. We want her young, because we
hate to think of missing any time with her. Yet we know that God
already knows what our child will look like and when we will first hold
her. We trust in His timing. We also stated we
were open to a boy or a girl, but know it will probably be a
girl. We already talk about her as if she is a she! In our
referral we will be given a tiny picture or two, her birthdate, her
size, some brief medical information and maybe some information on her
personality.
Meeting our Baby
Once we receive our referral, we will give our acceptance and
then be invited to travel to China about 6-8 weeks later. We will
be gone for about 2 weeks. We are still debating on if we will
take Makenna with us. The younger 2 will for sure stay home with
Grandmas and Grandpas. We will first fly to Beijing for some
sightseeing. About 2 or 3 days later we will travel to meet our
baby near her orphanage. We will finish some paperwork
there and then fly to Guangzhou which is where the US Consulate
is. More paperwork, medical exams, application for her visa,
passport etc...
As we dream of our first meeting with our baby, we realize that it may
not go as smoothly as we hope. She is going to be with strange
people, who look different and sound different than what she is
accustomed to. We are already praying that when she sees
us, she will know that we love her and are her parents.
Upon our return home, we realize that there is going to be big
adjustments for our baby, as well as for all of our family.
We have read that many of the babies might have problems with bonding,
and we are prepared to deal with whatever comes our way. We know
she will bond to us, it might just take some time. We have
already been reading different tips to help in this process.
Through our actions and our love towards her, we will teach her that we
are her real parents and that Makenna, Sawyer and Malaine are her real
siblings. One complaint I hear often from adoptive parents
is that people often ask, in front of their children, what did their
real mom look like? People need to realize that we are her
real family and will always be. Our belief is that God planned
for her to be our daughter all along, he just wanted her to come from
someone else's stomach. To us she is already a part of our
family.
Her Life in China
We hope that we can teach our daughter to have a love for her birth
country and to honor her birthparents in China. We will
tell her that her mommy in China loved her so much, and knew she could
not take care of her, so she placed her in a spot someone could find
her. Her mommy knew she would get good care until we could bring
her home to our family.
We also hope to instill in her and in her siblings, a respect for her
heritage and the traditions of China. We plan to get
involved in groups that celebrate the Chinese holidays. We are trying
to read as much as we can on China. With my
cousin and her family getting ready to adopt their daughter from China,
we know that she will be close to her. Our hope is that we
can find the perfect balance between celebrating that she is a normal
American kid and also honoring her heritage.
Are you Interested in Adoption ?
The biggest comment I have heard since announcing our news is, "I have
ALWAYS wanted to adopt, and my husband never would". I just
want to encourage you, if God has placed this on your heart, follow
through with it. Spend time praying about it, do a little
research. I think for so many, my husband included, it seems like
such an unreachable dream. To much money, to much work, having to
travel, etc... But it really is not as bad as it first
looks. There are many tax credits available that help out alot
with the money. The travel is only 2 weeks, and you are
with a group. Your agency walks you through the process every
step of the way once you sign a contract. Our prayer is that God
would use our family to open the door for many other families who have
a heart for His children. There are SO many orphans who
NEED a mommy and daddy to love them. Maybe it might be you!
We would be happy to talk to anyone about our process, feel free to
e-mail with any questions.
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